In recent days I was on the phone with a friend who is aware of what I’ve been subjected to at the hands of a group of evil-minded people the past year and a half. We were talking about God and having faith and he asked me the question: “Have you ever asked yourself, why me?”

"No", I said. "Not once".

To anyone outside my circumstance, or even within it, it is an understandable question and one anyone with faith, or without, can easily lament. 

• Why are these people so (literally) hell bent on trying to destroy my livelihood?

• Why won’t they stop? Why won't he stop?

• Why are they spending such an inordinate amount of money and resources on this effort?

• Why don’t they see, or care, how evil it is?

• Why do they so easily believe lies or just enjoy participating in such malignant acts?

• Why are they defending and covering for obvious abusers?

• Why are they abusing sources of power and authority to do so?

• Why do they derive so much pleasure in trying to create chaos and suffering in others?

• And why do the originators feels so justified in their wickedness?

I could ask these questions but, frankly, I don’t need to.

The answers are all there laid bare and at the end of this day this actually has nothing to do with me and everything to do with people trying to outrun themselves and the emptiness of their own souls, even the ones who go to church on Sunday and then come home and jump right back into surveillance and terrorizing mode - and derive pleasure from it. 

Oh, how God must grieve at the duplicitousness of their mouths and hearts.

There is much that God has shown me over the past eighteen months, and the years prior, that demonstrate the long arc of God’s hand. They say the wheels of justice turn slowly and so it is with God’s divine timing and His purpose. 

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not be terrified or dismayed (intimidated), for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.

(Joshua 1:9)

So back to why I haven’t asked, why me? This morning I heard God whisper to me: For such a time as this. I recently finished a 9-month “Women of the Bible” study with a group I’ve been with for several years and one of our studies was on Esther.

There are many rich learnings from Esther’s story and although she is the focus (and we’ll get back to that) there is another woman featured prominently, albeit shortly - Queen Vashti. They both play critical roles in this story arc.

The book of Esther opens with King Xerxes conducting a massive, and expensive, campaign to showboat his wealth and power and woo allies to his campaigns of war. 

For a full 180 days he displayed the vast wealth of his kingdom and the splendor 

and glory of his majesty. When these days were over, the king gave a banquet, lasting 

seven days, in the enclosed garden of the king’s palace, for all the people from 

the least to the greatest who were in the citadel of Susa. 

The garden had hangings of white and blue linen, fastened with cords of white linen 

and purple material to silver rings on marble pillars. There were couches of gold and silver 

on a mosaic pavement of porphyry, marble, mother-of-pearl and other costly stones. 

Wine was served in goblets of gold, each one different from the other, 

and the royal wine was abundant, in keeping with the king’s liberality. 

By the king’s command each guest was allowed to drink with no restrictions, for the king instructed all the wine stewards to serve each man what he wished.

(Esther 1: 4-8)

All bets for decorum were off. It was a drunken revelry with each man served what he wished. In our study group we talked about what that must have been like - a hall full of men, drunk and entitled, served whatever they wished, doing (quite literally) whatever they wanted.

Separately, the women had their own banquet hosted by Queen Vashti. We discussed the reasons for that and, as women, we could see how the women would not have been safe in that environment and the need for the separation and for the men to have their place for “boys to be boys,” to quote a truly horrible excusing and abusive catch phrase.

On the seventh day, when King Xerxes was in high spirits from wine, he commanded 

the seven eunuchs who served him—Mehuman, Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, Abagtha, Zethar and Karkas — to bring before him Queen Vashti, wearing her royal crown, 

in order to display her beauty to the people and nobles, for she was lovely to look at. 

But when the attendants delivered the king’s command, Queen Vashti refused to come. 

Then the king became furious and burned with anger.

(Esther 1:10-12)

Queen Vashti and the political power plays associated with her by her husband is a larger topic and in this instant she was being summoned, not as a queen to be treated royally but, as an object for sexual pleasure and male entitlement. As this article clearly demonstrates, as keeping with customs of the day: 

For Ahasuerus [Xerxes] to summon his noble wife to a men’s drinking

establishment was to treat her as a serving wench or a dancing girl, since

the only women present at such a gathering were there to pleasure the male guests.

As far as Berlin is concerned, Vashti could not have been more humiliated if Ahasuerus had asked her to appear naked.

(According to the Talmud, that is quite literally what he did.)

Living in a world full of men who sexually objectify women on the daily and feel entitled to do so hit a nerve with every woman in my bible study. It is sadly something we all have experienced and witnessed firsthand. For anyone who has been in a relationship with a partner with p*rn / sex addiction, the realities and breadth of this is something you can never unsee - women treated as existing for the pleasure, control and abuse, of entitled men.

What was Queen Vashti to do? She refused knowing what it would cost her but she did not sacrifice her own self-respect to be, literally, put on display to be ogled (or potentially worse) by a hall filled with drunken men and a husband who wanted to treat her as equal to a prostitute for the entertainment of his friends. 

Sadly, we see a version of this in the modern day, men sharing intimate pictures with their buddies, engaging in revenge p*rn, even deep faking images in a desire to feel powerful over another, to feel accepted, to feel justified in their anger when a woman says no. Women in the Bible rarely had the ability to say no but Queen Vashti did and she paid the price.

King Xerxes consulted his man-circle who were appalled at this woman telling him no, citing the “law” that she did not obey his commands. Instead of any level of consideration or compassion to the position it would have put her in the focus was on what would it mean for the men and their power and control? 

Then Memukan replied in the presence of the king and the nobles, “Queen Vashti 

has done wrong, not only against the king but also against all the nobles and the peoples 

of all the provinces of King Xerxes. For the queen’s conduct will become known to all the women, and so they will despise their husbands and say, ‘King Xerxes commanded 

Queen Vashti to be brought before him, but she would not come.’ 

This very day the Persian and Median women of the nobility who have heard about the queen’s conduct will respond to all the king’s nobles in the same way. 

There will be no end of disrespect and discord.

“Therefore, if it pleases the king, let him issue a royal decree and let it be written in the laws of Persia and Media, which cannot be repealed, that Vashti is never again to enter the 

presence of King Xerxes. Also let the king give her royal position to someone else who is better than she. Then when the king’s edict is proclaimed throughout all his vast realm, all the women will respect their husbands, from the least to the greatest.”

The king and his nobles were pleased with this advice, so the king did as Memukan proposed. He sent dispatches to all parts of the kingdom, to each province in its own script and to each people in their own language, proclaiming that every man should be ruler over his own household, using his native tongue.

(Esther 1: 16-22)

And with that she was exiled and women across the land were reminded, by king’s edict, you are most definitely not allowed to ever say no even if it means I, your husband, request you appear naked in front of others for my, and their, pleasure. The roots of entitlement run deep when it comes to women, our bodies and autonomy. 

And so the search for a new queen began and this is where we are introduced to Esther and her unlikely (and divinely appointed) placement in a position of power, authority, and influence. Through a turn of events she was presented by Mordecai with information about a plot by Haman to eradicate the Jews whom he hated, an act supported by King Xeres who had elevated Haman to high honor in the court. Mordecai pleaded with Esther to approach the King to persuade him differently.

All the king’s officials and the people of the royal provinces know that for any man or woman who approaches the king in the inner court without being summoned the king has but one law: that they be put to death unless the king extends the gold scepter to them and spares their lives. But thirty days have passed since I was called to go to the king.” When Esther’s words were reported to Mordecai, he sent back this answer: “Do not think that because you are in the king’s house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?” Then Esther sent this reply to Mordecai: “Go, gather together all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my attendants will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish.”

(Esther 4: 11-16)

What ensues after this is a visit to the King where he finds favor in his Queen and agrees to her request for a banquet, where she asks Haman be present, and tells the King she will make her request known at that time.

Enter the divine plot twist.

The night before the banquet the King is unable to sleep (Esther 6) and orders “the book of chronicles, the order of his reign” and discovers an act by a Jewish citizen that ultimately saved his life. 

We don’t know how much time passed between this act and Haman’s plot to destroy God’s people, the Jews, but it was a critical occurrence that Mordecai or Esther could not have KNOWN or SEEN at the time would be pivotal to foiling Haman, self-assured as he was, in his placement in power.

During the time Mordecai was sitting at the king’s gate, Bigthana and Teresh, two of the king’s officers who guarded the doorway, became angry and conspired to assassinate King Xerxes. But Mordecai found out about the plot and told Queen Esther, who in turn reported it to the king, giving credit to Mordecai. And when the report was investigated and found to be true, the two officials were impaled on poles. All this was recorded in the book of the annals in the presence of the king.

(Esther 2: 21-23)

Fast forward to the night before the banquet and as the King is reviewing the book of chronicles he discovers Mordecai’s revelation of the traitors, sparing King Xeres from assassination, and proclaims Mordecai to be honored and recognized and consults who is nearest in the court about how to best honor him. Wouldn’t you know it, it was Haman who appeared at that moment to petition the king about impaling Mordecai on a pole - one he’d already set up for him! 

How confident Haman was that he could do whatever he wanted to whomever he wanted and that it would be blessed. 

And yet, God.

When Haman entered, the king asked him, “What should be done for the man the king delights to honor?”Now Haman thought to himself, “Who is there that the king would rather honor than me?” So he answered the king, “For the man the king delights to honor, have them bring a royal robe the king has worn and a horse the king has ridden, one with a royal crest placed on its head. Then let the robe and horse be entrusted to one of the king’s most noble princes. Let them robe the man the king delights to honor, and lead him on the horse through the city streets, proclaiming before him, ‘This is what is done for the man the king delights to honor!’”

(Esther 6: 6-9)

The beautiful irony that Haman assumed HE was the one to be honored, so arrogant and proud of himself, only to learn that what he proposed was not for himself but for Mordecai - the very man he was trying to murder under the guise of self-righteousness and abuse of power - and he could not refuse the King.

“Go at once,” the king commanded Haman. “Get the robe and the horse and do just as 

you have suggested for Mordecai the Jew, who sits at the king’s gate.

Do not neglect anything you have recommended.” So Haman got the robe and the horse. He robed Mordecai, and led him on horseback through the city streets, proclaiming before him, “This is what is done for the man the king delights to honor!”

 Afterward Mordecai returned to the king’s gate. But Haman rushed home, with his head covered in grief, and told Zeresh his wife and all his friends everything that had

happened to him. His advisers and his wife Zeresh said to him, “Since Mordecai,

before whom your downfall has started, is of Jewish origin, you cannot stand against him—you will surely come to ruin!”

(Esther 6: 10-13)

In the course of one day Haman went from, literally, setting the stage to murder Mordecai and put his body on display due to hurt feelings (it all started because Mordecai refused to bow down to him) to having to personally put royal robes on him and proclaim him honored in the streets, an act Haman thought was going to be bestowed to him. 

How quickly power can slip through the fingers of the wicked in ways they never see coming. 

But, it doesn’t end there because Haman is then summoned to the banquet with the King and Queen Esther for the ultimate and final plot twist, with a chef’s kiss.

So the king and Haman went to Queen Esther’s banquet, and as they were drinking wine on the second day, the king again asked, “Queen Esther, what is your petition?

It will be given you. What is your request? Even up to half the kingdom, it will be granted.” Then Queen Esther answered, “If I have found favor with you, Your Majesty, and if it pleases you, grant me my life—this is my petition. And spare my people—this is my request. For I and my people have been sold to be destroyed, killed and annihilated. 

If we had merely been sold as male and female slaves, I would have kept quiet, 

because no such distress would justify disturbing the king.”

King Xerxes asked Queen Esther, 

“Who is he? Where is he—the man who has dared to do such a thing?”

Esther said, “An adversary and enemy! This vile Haman!”

Then Haman was terrified before the king and queen. The king got up in a rage, 

left his wine and went out into the palace garden. But Haman, realizing that the king had already decided his fate, stayed behind to beg Queen Esther for his life. Just as the king returned from the palace garden to the banquet hall, Haman was falling on the couch where Esther was reclining.The king exclaimed,

“Will he even molest the queen while she is with me in the house?”

As soon as the word left the king’s mouth, they covered Haman’s face. Then Harbona, one of the eunuchs attending the king, said, “A pole reaching to a height of fifty cubits stands by Haman’s house. He had it set up for Mordecai, who spoke up to help the king.”

The king said, “Impale him on it!” 

So they impaled Haman on the pole he had set up for Mordecai. 

Then the king’s fury subsided.

(Esther 7)

When you look for examples of how God purposefully moves in our life, how things that seem like simple acts can later, literally, save our life (or destroy it) then the Book of Esther is a shining example.

Going through this study how many people were placed where they were for just a time as this? 

• Is it a coincidence Vashti’s placement and removal was what led to Esther and Mordecai both being used to help God’s people?

• Is it a coincidence Mordecai was in the right place at the right time to learn about the assassination attempt, which he reported and saved the King’s life?

• Is it a coincidence that Mordecai wasn’t honored at the time for his good deed but it was entered into the book which was surfaced later at the perfect time for the King to see it and unknowingly foil Haman’s evil plot?

• Is it a coincidence the King was stirred in the late hours of the night and couldn’t sleep and inspired to ask for the chronicles where he discovered Mordecai’s act?

• Is it a coincidence that Haman was the very one who appeared at the court at the exact time the King needed someone to consult and then send out to honor Mordecai?

• Is it a coincidence that Esther was the one who found favor and was made queen and put in position to be heard and honored by King Xeres to call for the banquet in an attempt to save her people?

• Is it a coincidence that God’s people were obedient with prayer and fasting to petition God’s favor over the situation and protection of Esther?

• Is it a coincidence that Haman set up a pole for an impalement but not knowing it would bring his own death and not Mordecai's?

As believers, we know none of it was coincidence. 

Mordecai could not have KNOWN or SEEN how reporting the assassination would later not only save his life but bestow him, a Jew, in high honor directly from the throne. 

Esther could not have KNOWN or SEEN that God would lead King Xeres to the discovery of Mordecai’s act and the timing of his honoring and how that bestowment led to the King’s outrage at Haman’s actions. 

And Haman, most certainly, through his arrogance and self-aggrandizement did not KNOW or SEE that his power could so easily be stripped overnight and he would lose his life for it in an incredibly violent way - one he gleefully planned for another.

Our God is a God of justice and the arc of God’s justice is sometimes long but when justice is called in it will come suddenly and in surprising ways. 

So, back to the start of this whole writing - why do I not say “why me” while going through literal hell-on-earth at the unrelenting hands of a mob of evil-hearted plotting and conniving men and women in my, and surrounding, communities?

Because, God. 

My faith is in God and not in man.

Haman had faith in himself, in his own wicked power and his money, which turned out to be feckless at the end of his day; it did not save him.

‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the Lord Almighty.

Zechariah 4:6

Esther and Mordecai and the Jewish people had faith in God’s deliverance. They knew they were powerless and were up against a mighty enemy and a situation that felt impossible but they turned to God for the answer, to move on their behalf, and I do the same.

God has placed me where I am for such a time as this, for such a battle as this. I KNOW and SEE, and have seen continually why me, why now, and why here.

God knows my heart and the ways I am uniquely made, the training and experience my life has given me to prepare me for the war brought to my doorstep by people with hurt feelings, drunk on their own fake power, dirty money, and piles of shame they're trying to distract themselves from, blaming me for their poor choices and the outcomes.

There are many reasons God also gave me the inspiration years ago for the KNOSEE and it's been a cornerstone for me during such a time as this. God knew when I didn't.

Diving back into Esther’s story and seeing the many ways divine order was at play, the time required for specific dominoes to fall to lead to the outcome for the Glory of God, is the reminder we all need.  

No matter how big the army, how big the gang, how extensive the stalking and fear tactics, the harassment, the radical invasion of privacy and eavesdropping, the slander and lies, the violation of my civil rights, nor how much cover up enacted to keep it secret - none of it outweighs the hand of God, God's justice, and the wonderous surprising ways His Spirit moves his people at just the right time - a time such as this.

Everything plotted and done in the dark always comes to light.

This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but people loved darkness

instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light,

and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed.

But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may

be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.

John 3: 19-21

Glory to God in the highest, forever and ever. Amen.